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Later, people would tell me how brave I was, but I’ve never really felt brave.I’ve always surrendered: pretended to be straight, started meaningless flings with girls, ran away from them before things got serious.I never planned to come out as “John Haley, gay man.” For some time, I had cultivated a belief that my sexuality constituted something shameful and unnatural, so I pushed down feelings which started as early as seventh grade to live as “John Haley, straight man.” In some ways, it was a strangely peaceful existence. I never struggled much with my sexuality until I came out to one of my closest friends after my freshman year of college.Then I broke down, and living with it — the truth — grew much more complicated. I became depressed, lost my appetite, fell behind in school.

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Years passed, and slowly I came to realize why I acted this way.My youngest brother was relatively inexperienced, but his youth brought on a welcome change of perspective.

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